Well I Suck

SO
I said I was going to be better about blogging on tour. GUESS THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

I am not going to go through and fill in everything I have missed since I last wrote SO I will just give the main points?

___FLORIDA___

Me, Kevin, Jonny, and Margo went to the Astronaut Hall of Fame in Cape Canaveral while we were staying in Melbourne. It was pretty cool. Jonny was most excited about the G-Force Simulator...

I could not participate due to my massive motion sickness.
Across the street there was the American Police History Museum and Hall of Fame. There was a shooting range and helicopter rides so we wanted to go... BUST. The shooting range was closed and they had "lost their contract" with the helicopter... but there was the fantastic gift shop..

amazing

We adventured down to Ft. Lauderdale on one of our last Florida days. I decided to take a break from the sun and go read my time magazine under a shady palm tree. within seconds of sitting down an elderly gentlemen made my aquantence and proceeded to talk to me for a good half hour. Everytime there was a lull in conversation he began a completely different one, everything from places he had lived, to airlines he liked, to the weather in Florida. Unfortunately about half way through the conversation the wind was blowing my magazine pages about and I looked down to straighten them and saw it... sitting there... staring me in the face... standing out against the sand and the dark blue bathing suit...big... old... BALL! so gross.

___McLean___

So after leaving Florida we drove to McLean by way of Lumberton North Carolina. McLean was great for me... I went to Tysons and bought a new jacket, Michael came down the first day and we went to my dads house for dinner. The next day we did a show and afterwards I hung out with Casey for a bit. Then Michael came back down and we went to Gordon Biersch for dinner then watched TV and fell asleep, it was great. The next day my dad came to the show and then we were off to Wilmington, DE

___Wilmington, DE and Staten Island___

Wilmington was cute. We went out one night for Dave's 27th birthday and had a very nice dinner. It was sad to see how damn cold it really was getting... significantly colder than even normal fall weather for the North East.

Staten Island was... interesting. I made last minute plans to meet Adam and Ann in the city for dinner. Well it took over 3.5 hours of crazy shuttle drivers, ferries, getting on the wrong train and ending up in harlem, to actually make it to Ann's place in the Heights. We had some good chinese and talked about people I used to know. good night, but stressful.

---BALTIMORE---

How could this not be great?! I was home for 5, count em 5, nights. ohhh man it was fantastic. It was kind of hard because it made me feel like I had been on vacation for the past 3 weeks and now I was home when it was really the opposite. But it was great all the same. I couldn't even really tell you what we did until the last day... a lot of sitting around our house, watching football and food network, and just enjoying each others company in our house. I did some halloween decorating. I really REALLY wanted to clean up the yard a bit and plant some more bulbs up front so I would have some fantastic flowers come spring but it was very cold and rainy the entire time I was home. The last day Alison, Michael, Mike's mom and grandma came and saw my show, they seemed to really enjoy it, then we went out to Lunch at applebees. Afterwards Michael and I spent the afternoon getting our house ready for people coming over for dinner. That night Eric, Brian, Margo, Lindsay, Jonny, and Dave came over for a spagghetti dinner. It was a really great time. I rarely....scratch that...never have friends over to the house since, lets face it, I dont really have any, so it was nice to have people over. Brian also brought over two PUMPKINS that we carved. I wish I had taken pictures but once Brian puts his up I will steal them.

So that leads me to being here in Virginia Beach. My mom came up and we had dinner and did some shopping and then she came and saw the show this morning and then had lunch with me margo and jonny before heading home. It was good times. The shows went mostly well, sadly there were some technical glitches this morning, but the venue is beautiful and the people that work there are nothing short of FANTASTIC. particuarly the wardrobe people, which are the techs I always have the most access too.

Tomorrow we are planning on going out for Halloween which I hope will be fun, though I won't lie and say I am very much looking forward to going home at the end of November.

TOUR!

Well Here I am out on the road, currently in Orange Park, FL (a suburb of Jacksonville). I have promised that I will be better about blogging on tour and hopefully I will live up to it.

I currently can not post any pictures on this blog to make it more interesting, sorry, but I left my camera cord in Baltimore so I will retrieve it from Michael in 11 days in McLean and then pictures shall be available.

SO! The beginning. We began by driving about 16 hours in two days to Sarasota with a stop in South Carolina on the way where I saw a bumper sticker that said "nuke Iraq" reminding me how much I love people. Sadly, the long hours of Air Conditioned Van Driving made Margo a sick little girl :(

So upon arrival in Sarasota Kevin and Lindsay joined us (both had auditions preventing them from enjoying the first 16 hours of driving and met us down there) and we had a full fun happy group. Tuesday morning Jonny and I ventured to Siesta Key (about 7 miles south of Sarasota) to Rent bicycles for our days in Sarasota. My logic to this was there were about 4 places of interest as well as downtown Sarasota within 2-5 miles from the Hotel and it seemed, by renting bikes, we could go to as many of these places as we pleased without worrying about Van usage and get some fun outdoor exercise while we were at it! I sent a text to everyone in the group, as is customary, but Jonny seemed to be the only one to agree with my logic. So to the bike store we traveled! The man at the bike store was very nice and helped us select two "beach cruiser bikes" on the logic that road bikes can only go on the road but beach cruisers can go on the road and the beach. We didn't intend on going to the beach but it sounded like a nice thought. That is until we decided to bike to the Aquarium 4.7 miles away over a very large bridge in a headwind... gears would have been nice. But damn it was good exercise. We saw all sorts of fun fish and petted sting rays and overall had a very nice time. Pictures to come later.

So that night Me, Jonny, Margo, Rudy, and Jeffery went to downtown Sarasota and had some Mexican food. It was quite tasty. Sarasota is a very very pretty place but I find it funny that the majority of dining downtown is Italian. Curious.

Anyway the next morning we had our first two performances of Tour at the very pleasant Van Wezel building. We mentioned constantly that we would be happy just planting ourselves for a couple weeks and doing the show there. The building was great, the staff was so smart, kind, and accommodating it was really a pleasure. The audiences were HUGE though I am not sure entirely as responsive as our DC children's audience, they still seemed to enjoy it very much. It was a pleasure.

Upon returning to the Hotel we dissapointingly realized that a trip to the Dali museum in St. Petersburg would not be happening because of Van usage and time and such so me and Jonny decided to get the most out of our bike rentals before their return and biked downtown to have lunch. We wanted to go to this homey looking Irish Pub called O'Malley's so we walked up the stairs to its second story home and stood there for at least 5 minutes wandering around calling out "HELLO" to no response. I even peaked in the Kitchen, and there was noone. Potentially the most awkward thing I have ever seen. So we went to a little, slightly more expensive, place called Patricks which was very nice. We then drove our bikes back over to Siesta Keys and returned them. That evening, after not being able to make any decisions, a group of us decided to venture back downtown and see if anyone was at O'Malley's this time. SURPRISE! they were. We enjoyed a late dinner, but they were in the process of changing the menu so most things we ordered were not available. And then the manger was trying to clean out a drain and upon opening it unleashed the smell of unholy hell. But he gave us a free round of Washington Apple shots as an apology and the food we did order was very enjoyable. Afterwards everyone wanted to go to this gay bar, but Jonny inquired to their underage attendance and they were strictly against it so I went back to the hotel. Luckily, it was a bust anyway and everyone was back by 11pm.

I spent the evening chatting with Michael on the phone and putting all my receipts in order for tax purposes before nodding off to sleep for our departure this morning.

We drove to Orange Park today (250 miles back in the direction we came from, one of the unfortunate aspects of touring is by no fault of anyones due to availability at venues we end up backtracking a little bit from time to time. for example on the 20th we are in McLean then we go to Deleware and Staten Island then back to Baltimore then Virginia Beach then back up to Mass.)
It seems like a pleasant place here. The people at Panera were possibly the nicest people I have ever encountered in my life and they commented on the pleasure of my pleasantness as well. One thing I do like about the south is the southern hospitality. They can be a bit blunt though... a woman got on the elevator with me in Sarasota and the first thing out of her mouth was "so who are you voting for". Awkward.

Everyone else has just departed for the Gym, and the Technicians are at the space doing Load In. I am staying here to work on a voice over for Michael and then who knows!

Ciao from Orange Park!

We have PUPPIES!


That's right, Michael and I are fostering two little Terrier-PitBull mixes for the next three weeks. And let me tell you, these little boys are a handful. We decided to foster because I am going on tour so we do not want to get a dog until I get back and we figured fostering was a good way to learn what we are going to need to do when the time actually comes and to see if we can even handle a little baby puppy or if we may have to go for one already trained.

First off, I can tell you this, we will not be getting a pitbull of any sorts when its time to adopt. Not that these guys aren't cute as pie but they are a touch on the aggressive side and I think for our first dog we would be better off starting with something already apt to be calm and well trained, like a the lab we keep talking about getting.

Secondly this training thing is mighty hard! Now the people at the shelter told us they are not going to be really able to be housebroken until they are older than 8 weeks since their little bladders aren't big enough yet to understand how to "hold it" but a website I was looking at about training said they can begin to be housebroken as young as 4 weeks so I think I am going to try to start. It's hard when you don't see them poop everytime!

They just got their first bath which went mostly well. They were a little stressed out after a while that they couldn't get out of the tub themselves and I had to dry them with a hairdryer since they are not old enough to keep their body temperature settled themselves.

Another problem? Walks. They don't understand the concept and have no desire. They have more fun rolling around the front yard and biting their leashes than actually making any forward progress. I am trying to enforce the concept on them so they start to learn but also so they start to accept that I am boss. I will update on this process as it continues to progress.

Crate training is going fairly well. They did soil their crate last night but they stayed in it all night with only a bit of fuss at the start. We have to physically put them in the crate at this point so we will see if they get better with going in themselves. Little entices them at this point. They aren't too fond of toys or treats, just my feet, so it's hard to find incentive for good behavior but I will continue to work on it.


I am slightly worried about tonight, since I have my show and Michael is coming so we will be leaving the house around 4:30 and not getting home until 11:30. 7 hours is a long time for the little guys and I am trying to figure out wether we should crate them or just keep them closed off in the kitchen. We will see what we decide.

David opens to mixed reviews...

David In Shadow and Light had it's official opening at Theatre J Sunday night, also press night, and the reviews have been...mixed.

I use the term mixed because whilst none of them were particuarly glowing reviews, each had different likes and gripes, as is typical in the world of critique. I generally turn the other cheek on reviews because in the end, they are not why we do theatre. The only real detriment of reviews is to the broader audience of non-typical theatre goers who rely on reviews to tell them what to see, as with movie reviews. I am the type that ignores movie reviews and go see what looks appealing to me, as I am with theatre.

The thing that got me really thinking as I read through the four reviews I found yesterday and today (the post, the times, all arts review 4 u, and DC Theatre Scene) was why, through all that was discussed, one important element was missing. I don't feel any of the reviewers talked about what was to be felt from the piece. What they got, what they thought about, what it meant to them. Isn't that what one of the great thing about live theatre is? The ability to go to the bar or coffee house after the show and discuss with friends not only which actors you liked, or what worked or didn't work technically, or what you thought about the music, ect ect but what affect it had on you, what it made you think about, what points were made.

I think a main part of this show is when you dig through everything else and look at the core, the bone structure, the heart, it is a story about the Human Condition, however flawed, and its affect on others and the world as a whole. David is a perfect example of this. Rising up from nothing, and through charisma, talent, beauty, poetry, and music he rises up to be King over all the land only to prove that he too, is flawed, and yet God and man still love and forgive him as he loves and forgives those around him for their sins. It seems the reviewers have all become so concentrated on all the technical elements they forget the main reason people come to theatre...people come to the theatre because of how it makes them feel. they want to connect with the characters and story unfolding on the stage in a way that is hard to do with a Tv or Movie screen. They want to follow them, feel for them, rise and fall with them and I think, through all its flaws, this is done in David.

I wonder how long a person can review theatre, day in and day out, weekend after weekend seeing show after show, before they become too jaded to see the beauty in anything. Not just the talent, not just the good story or strong direction, but the beauty. Art is beauty.

Is Advanced Placement always good?

So it's been a while but everyone has been talking about blogs and such around this place so writing I am. Plus I am not doing anything on stage at this moment.

A thought that crosses my mind on a regular day basis is how much advanced placement has affected the course of my life, in positive and negative ways. I have been in "aquilla" or "signet" or "GT (gifted and talented)" or "honors" or "AP" classes my entire life that they have been available. From about 3rd or 4th grade I believe. This provided a lot of very strong opportunities for me throughout my young life. I can remember back in Aquilla when we were allowed to make our own studies as long as we provided a clear goal and purpose. I develped a third level to the Shakespeare study. And it was all based in independent study. We were allowed to chose what we wanted to be working on at any given time and given the time and space to do it on our own accord undirected aside from the listed goals. But what about the negative affects. I was never in classes with any of the children who were not considered "GT" so I never developed a tolerance or understanding for people whos minds didnt work exactly like mine. Not that one is better they are simply different but it was instilled in me through the use of words like "gifted and talented" that we were "better" in some way. I learned to work on my own and as I got older and group work was used more and more in schooling I loathed it and took on all the work myself. To this day I still prefere to work on my own by my own accord.

Do children that are put through GT systems miss out on a certain level of socialization?

I think so. And while the benefits are many I can't decide if they outweigh the damage. I suppose had I gone into engineering or medicine these effects wouldnt mean so much but I chose theater. A profession where working with others, some who may not work on your intelligent level, is a matter of everyday life and you are constantly taking direction from others.

It's strange how much desicions made by others for you when you were under the age of 12 affect you for the rest of your life, most of which probably dont seem to matter at the time they were made. For example a lot of kids I know were held back from Kindergarden or 1st grade because they were socially ready to move on. That doesn't seem like a big deal then but when you are in 10th grade a year or more older than the other kids in your class it starts to become a bigger deal. Anyone who knows me know my theory that the Rhode Island school system screwed me with my spelling.

I wonder what I will do to my kids that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

privacy?

In this, the age of the internet, there are a lot of concerns about privacy. especially for the under 18 crowd out there. Kids are willing to put information including their name, where they live, what they look like, who they are friends with, where they go to school, ect ect ect on countless websites like Myspace and Facebook and even the ones that are careful by making their profiles "private" or "friends only" are raising concern with parents around the country.

This is a hard debate.

American Heritage Dictionary Defines Privacy as thus...

1.The quality or condition of being secluded from the presence or view of others.
2.The state of being free from unsanctioned intrusion: a person's right to privacy.
3.The state of being concealed; secrecy.

The first, obviously meaning bascially being a hermit to society
the second and third are more what I am concerned with here.

A person's RIGHT to privacy?

I have always taken issue with the word "right"
We have the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But who gives us said rights? God, I suppose, for surely the Government does not.
So does God also give us the right to privacy?

No.
Essentially, we as adults, set our own limits on our rights to privacy. what we chose to share we do, and what we chose to keep private, we have the right to maintain it as thus... unless of course you are applying for a job, gaining security clerence, in a relationship... in these cases keeping certain things you wish to remain private can be seen as hiding or secretavie and this is frowned upon.

But for Children (or rather minors I suppose would be the more correct term)
Privacy is garnerd by their parents. As it is in most things they do.
Is this right?

I have no idea.

My boss was discussing with me finding condoms and lube in the bedroom of her 14 year old freshman in high school son and immedietly grounding him, deleting his myspace, and removing the items. she informed me of this because she seemed at a loss for what else to do.

Was she invading his privacy?

Any parent will easily tell you no. A child's room is part of the house the parent owns and the parent essentially, in simple terms, owns the child as well so they have every right to search through their personal affects.

I have a hard time with this notion. It is used often by parents snooping through rooms, diaries, online pages and such to find out about a child's involvement in drugs, sex, alcohol, or even non-illegal activities. just to monitor their life.

Is this big-brotherish? or just a parent's right...or even responsibility to keep the child safe?
Where do you draw the line when it comes to privacy?

If a child knows that everything they do is subject to being found will they ever write private thoughts down? Isn't writing in a journal seen as a very positive tool for helping work out your inner turmoils? Will they feel alienated and untrusted by their parents? Will they try these things in more dangerous environments to avoid being caught at home?

What are the rules of privacy when it comes to children?

Is there a right or wrong way to do things?

Stripping Bare

So I was talking to my director after rehearsal the other day about scheduling and he decided to use this time to give me a note I am sure he had been itching to give me for a while.

He spent about 5 minutes nicely sugarcoating and beating around the point he was trying to get at.

He didn't think my performance was honest.

It shook me a little.
That's a lie--- it shook me a lot.

He kept talking about how this company was all about putting it all out there, being real... as if it was a company I was new to, or new nothing about, which just solidified my feelings of being an outsider. How did I feel more part of a company I only did one show with two months ago than this company where I am on my third show in three years?

He said I just need to let go and let the emotions exsist.

Now, anyone that knows me will think I am crazy to be complaining about a note when usually I do nothing but gripe about not getting notes but this was not a note I expected and I feel it spoke of me more as an Actress in general than as a note for this particular rehearsal, role, or show even. (not to mention he did state that it has to do with me still being young and we all know how much I hate anyone referencing my age as a gauge of inexperiance)

But is it true?

Do I always play it too safe?

I think a lot of it has to do with me as a person. I have such a hard time opening up and letting go no matter what the circumstance. For example, today at work I was in the back room doing freight and I was listening to broadway on my Ipod player and everytime someone walked in the back room I got really nervous about them judging me.

Who the fuck cares what they think?

Answer?
I do.

God knows why. But I always play it safe in life, and in acting, because I am too scared to strip bare and then get picked at. I always felt like once I was on stage, really living in the character, or once I was really comfortable with the people I was working with it got better but I haven't had that click moment yet and maybe that's why Mark decided to talk to me, because he knew I hadn't clicked yet and we are winding down in the process.

How can I get my performances to become real and soul-bareing if I can never be that way myself?

It's a little easier to get away with in Musical theatre but once you throw yourself into a show that needs to be so real, so honest, it all becomes obvious.

I thought I overcame this really well in Bold Girls, but maybe I didn't. Maybe I haven't even scratched the surface.

Adam knows this well after casting me in Faustus and then probably regretting that when he had to spend an entire two hour rehearsal on my two pages of dialouge trying to dig it out of me. I appreciate what he did so much though because it led me to really let go and as small as that part or project may have been in the grand scheme of life, it is one I am still proudest of. But I can't seem to carry all that work we did onward.

Especially in a rehearsal hall in the basement of a chuch where people laugh and joke when they forget lines and I am not all that comfortable with the person I am playing opposite (I mean he is a really really nice guy, but I don't know him well at all and it just feels...awkward? which I guess is good since our characters are supposed to be awkward but it does make it hard)

Maybe it will all click this coming week...

but with directors who don't know and trust me, it won't be as forgiving. I have to be able to show at every audition and every rehearsal that I can be that actor that lets it all go.

I just don't know how. or where to start...

"It's Only Words, Unless They're True" -- David Mamet

"Acting is not about dressing up. Acting is about stripping bare" - Glenda Jackson